Thoughts #1

Not a story, just wanted to share how I'm feeling :)

July 17th, 2021

Hi, this is Kathleen.. How are u? Hope u're in a good condition. Before I start, I wanted to say sorry for my grammar, still working on it. It's harder to write than talking by myself.

But anyways, a couple days ago, I was bored, so I posted QnA box on my instagram story. Well, I got not so many questions, some was fun to answer, umm.. actually at the first time,

I thought all was fun to answer. Until I got this 2 questions, which I think it's kind of personal questions. I mean.. It's about your dream job and your relationship.

And just to be honest, by far, I've been keeping my relationship and my dream job, well.. my whole life, in private.

And I had no idea what was going on that day. Guess what?

I literally talked about everything I've been keeping in private since forever.

It was all fine at the very beginning. Bruh, I got so excited to answer tho.

'Till then, a few minutes later, I saw this post.

And BOOM!

Suddenly I realized of what just happened. Just after I saw it, all I felt was guilt. What was I just did?! All the things that I've keep this far..just explode in one minute.

Have you ever felt like this?

You wanted to share a thing, but on the other side, you also wanted to keep it as a secret.

Well, I felt so guilty, that I couldn't stop thinking about it. Even though, I got a few supports. But still, I didn't feel like I'm being myself... My real self. I was thinking so hard, even until now.

And guys...

I've decided.

I want to keep it in private...all of it. My life, my relationship, my dream job, and everything that I think it's personal.

I am truly sorry if I told you that I will share everything very soon. I mean it.

But the truth is, I'm not ready yet. Maybe if I share or tell you about the things that I keep, I won't feel this comfortable anymore.

I will tell you if I want to. I will tell you when I'm ready or when "we are" ready. I will tell you when I have 100% confidence in myself.

Just give me some more time. That's all I need. And I hope you'll understand.

Thank you so so much for your attention and all the supports you guys gave to me.

May happiness be with you, always.

With love, K